How Pornography Addiction Affects The Sex Lives of Couples

If one half of a couple is addicted to pornography in a monogamous relationship, it is a certainty that over time, the amount of sex that couple will have will reduce significantly (and eventually disappear altogether) and that any sex they do have will gradually become less loving and more perverse or aggressive as time goes on.

Many partners of porn addicts explain how at the start of their relationships their sex lives were breath-taking and about emotional and sexual intimacy but that over time – as their partner’s porn use increased – sex became less tender, more aggressive and far less frequent.

As this happens, many partners gradually begin to feel nothing more than objectified tools for the instant gratification of their porn addict – and totally interchangeable with porn – and cry inwardly at this. Some feel like punching their addict in the face when they are reduced to body parts to be mauled and assaulted during sex. They know their partner’s minds are with the porn images and porn performers they have seen and that they are – in effect – just pseudo sex dolls. They cease to feel cherished as a result. For many, kissing vanishes too – both from sex and their relationship as a whole.

Many loved ones feel that their partners would rather be having sex with “perfect” porn performers and not with their imperfect selves and this makes them feel ugly and undesirable which slowly but surely chips away at their self esteem more and more every day. This is made all the worse when porn addicts ask their partners to re-enact porn scenes they have seen or to act like porn performers during sex. Knowing their partners can only keep an erection if they do, they comply but then feel cheapened afterwards. Sex soon becomes utterly devoid of any real intimacy as a result. Sometimes, partners are not even asked for sex but are just taken roughly from behind. Others are groped whilst they sleep. This is probably because their addict has been watching “unconscious porn”.

As their partner’s addiction escalates, loved ones are often asked to do increasingly disturbing sexual things such as: remove all body hair so they look like the barely legal/ teenage bodies their partners are viewing; engage in S&M and bondage; have pain inflicted on them; have other people involved in their sex (which include “lesbians”, “shemales” and prostitutes); dress like porn performers or strippers; allow themselves to be slapped or strangled and are asked to have rough anal sex – amongst many other things and usually dependent upon what the porn addict has been viewing.

Their porn addicts soon begin to scare them. At first loved ones believe their partners behavior is simply sexual experimentation but soon realise something seriously untoward is happening yet loved ones can still be plagued with the feeling that it is they who are over-reacting and their partner usually agrees – telling them it is they who are “prudes”. Many loved ones do not want to be giving their partners what they often term “the nastier stuff” because it feels like a sort of rape to them but often do not have the strength to say no because they fear their addict will do porn all the more – and this is one of their worst fears as the porn is “competition”. One woman in my research wrote “Porn to me is like him having a lot of different mistresses – all of which my husband prefers to me. My husband has something that I can’t compete with – a never-ending stream of women who will do whatever he wants and ask for nothing in return.”

Often, porn addicts will go to porn for their arousal prior to sex leaving their partners naked in bed waiting for them. This hurts partners deeply. Sex then usually lasts only a few minutes and then the person leaves them immediately after climax (that is if climax is still possible due to the erectile dysfunction issues addicts have due to escalating porn use which is often the case).

The partners of porn addicts become obsessed over time with trying to get closer again to their loved ones as well as doing all they can to control or stop their partners porn use and will often go to great lengths to try and accomplish these things. In the process they often end up abandoning all their inhibitions and do things they do not want to be doing. But even “spicing things up” (like being filmed, photographed, going to adult or swingers clubs with their partners or adding more people to the sexual mix) does not keep their partners attention for long. More is then expected sexually of the partner. And whether the loved one gives the addict sex or not, the porn use never stops regardless how many times a day sex is given. Often, partners find their partners doing porn soon after having sex with them.

Often loved ones will start off being “the cool wife/ partner” by watching soft-core porn with the person, getting them subscriptions to porn magazines or porn channels as well as doing the whole “strip club” thing with them but none of these things bring the couple closer together. Quite the opposite in fact. It pushes them further apart because the loved one is enabling the addicts addiction and sex eventually becomes non-existent. Instead the addict just ends up just wanting to do porn on their own as their addiction progresses and the loved one is always thrown on the sexual scrap-heap feeling like just a room-mate to the person. If sex happens at all, it is usually the partner who initiates it and even then, there’s no foreplay or warmth and the addict has trouble orgasming or simply just staying erect/ aroused. Often addicts will fake orgasm then masturbate to porn whilst their loved one is asleep next to them. Addicts cunningly cover their backs by asking for sex only when their partner is too drained to be able to do it. Begging for sex starts to become humiliating for loved ones.

And so it goes on and on… Sometimes loved ones sleep on the couch to try and get the person to see sense but their addict simply does porn more now they don’t have to think of their partner being in the bedroom. Or the porn addict says they have erectile dysfunction due to being on an anti-depressant only to then be caught by their partner downloading porn and masturbating. Porn addicts end up complaining to their partners about being hounded for sex which leaves the self esteem of the loved one in shreds. This is the same for gay and straight relationships and where the porn addict is male or female.

And yet here is the irony… When the partners of porn addicts are being rejected left, right and centre sex wise their porn addicted partners are likely acting out with 3D games that allow players to “have sex with” performers where they can “give performers virtual orgasms”. If they are not doing that they also have the choice to buy and “have sex with” performer “body parts” (vagina and anus) made in the performers exact measurements. The real life partner is dying inside waiting for their loved one to touch them meanwhile “sex” is going on with a blow up body part and one day soon, a virtual reality avatar.

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Numerology and Sex – For Adults Only!

Sex is important! Through the act we perpetuate the species, our own genetic material, and of course, we have fun. Sex is one of the fundamental drives of the human mind; ask any advertiser or film maker whether or not sex sells. Sex is what I like to call a Sensual Energy eXchange. There are different uses for this energy just as there are different inclinations and preferences regarding this energy. Using the Destiny Number, also called the Life Path, we can learn how to best channel this energy to fulfill our sexual needs. The Destiny Number is your birth date reduced to a single digit. For example, if you were on January 1, 1980 you would proceed: 1+1+1+9+8+0 = 20 and 2 + 0 = 2.

NOTE: Sexual expression is often considered taboo and even those who are ‘emancipated’ may have a number of repressions. In order to better illustrate the point we will focus upon the extremes. Do not be surprised if you find yourself experiencing a reaction of one form or another and keep an open mind, use these suggestions to embody your vibration sexually.

1 Destiny: You can be single minded in your pursuit of your lover. Taken to the extreme you can look at love as a contest and your partners as conquests. At times you focus too much upon your own satisfaction and be a little too dominant although, your partners find you exciting and willing to experiment. Sexual activities: You can channel your 1 energy be being on top. Make sure you experience the other end of the 1 spectrum by allowing your partner to ride. Ladies, try red lingerie for an exciting night.

2 Destiny: You are a caring lover who aims to please in any way that you can. You enjoy kissing, hugging, and cuddling. In fact, such things are necessary as you need to feel protected and nurtured. At the extreme end you may try to plan things out in advance and schedule love making. You can be a bit submissive and follow your partner’s energy very well. Sexual activities: Show your partner your willingness to please by displaying your body through dance and self-pleasure for their eyes only. On the other side, playfully refuse your lovers advances from time to time and learn to enjoy the power that comes with teasing. Ladies should consider shades of orange in lingerie and makeup.

3 Destiny: You are an exciting and playful lover with a lot of confidence. This gives you the ability to make your partner feel comfortable with your playful, light hearted attitude towards sex. You like different positions and are likely to have a copy of Kama Sutra on your shelf. You can be so uninhibited that you may make your lover blush! Sexual activities: Activities that allow for the sensual exploration of other parts of the body are ideal such as breast sex and foot or toe sex. Ladies can spice things up with shades of yellow.

4 Destiny: Fours can struggle with emotions, especially understanding the passions of their partner. You are slow and steady and may delay lovemaking to build up the steam. Relationships are very important and you are extremely loyal and faithful. Your sex life can become stagnant if you take an intellectual approach and rely only upon the tried and true methods of becoming turned on. Sexual activities: Turn off the lights and crawl under the covers with your lover. Slow, gentle, and long. On the flip side of the coin, go wild every once in a while. Try making love outdoors. Ladies, green is the color to pull out your sensual side to the max.

5 Destiny: The adventurous one! You enjoy variety and excitement. Spontaneity is a turn on as are new places, new positions and new people! You are attractive to the opposite sex and need mental as well as physical stimulation. You like the ups and downs of passion and stimulation. Sexual activities: You may want to eat from a larger menu that includes oral and anal fun, role playing, and other ‘non-standard’ activities like spanking. Ladies should wear blue underclothes and makeup.

6 Destiny: Sixes are quite devoted and need to maintain the balance and harmony in a relationship. When you find that special someone giving in to carnal desires is a joy. Music, candles, and lighting all help to create that air of romance. Long, very long sessions of foreplay including lots of kissing is to your liking. Sexual activities: Being kissed and licked all over your body as well as massages and digital exploration will suit you just fine. Ladies should wear indigo, dark blue, and black.

7 Destiny: Dreamy and romantic, you secretly desire a spiritual connection with your lover. You can be a little spacey and detached and your analytical nature can produce an almost clinical approach to sex. However, you can potentially reach levels of intimacy with your lover that are beyond conscious comprehension. Sexual activities: Explore such things as Tantra and techniques allowing for a more meditative sexual experience. Shed that ‘clinical’ disposition and use some dirty words! Ladies, violets and purples will bring out your inner beast.

8 Destiny: Ok, you’re a freak. Or frigid. Up or down you’re either almost totally active or passive. You can be a little too wrapped up in the politics of sexual power and wouldn’t mind having total control of your partner. Seduce or be seduced. This attitude can alienate others however, when you make a commitment you do so completely. Sexual activities: Games that allow you to safely explore power relationships such as Bondage and Discipline or Role Playing. Learn to enjoy gushy, overly romantic displays. Ladies, the color pink will help you balance out your sexual urges.

9 Destiny: You can be so empathetic that you become a doormat. But, you enjoy helping your lover and often put your own needs on the backburner. But when they finally build up, watch out! Your passion can be volcanic and you lover can unexpectedly find that your quiet nature has become quite demanding. And exciting. Sexual activities: Anything that allows for mutual selfless pleasure such as sixty-nine or mutual masturbation. Ladies should try brown, bronze and chocolate colors in makeup and lingerie.

Transcending Sex – Discover the Easy Way on How You Can Go Beyond Sex and Live Blissfully!

Sex is a natural instinct that we all are born with. It is nature’s way of procreation and is among the biggest mysteries for man. We all are enchanted by its overwhelming power and the influence it exerts on our life. In this article, discover how you can easily transcend sex and achieve a blissful life.

The life of the modern man is dominated by sex. The industry and the advertisers have also recognized the influence sex exerts on man and have abused this quality. Anything can be sold to the modern man – all that needs to be done is to place the picture of a woman besides the product!

If sex remains natural and spontaneous then it never becomes a problem, but in the case of modern man it has become obsessive. Sexual thoughts just continue to stay in his mind all day long. A majority of the people are not satisfied with their sex lives! This creates repression, anguish and frustration.

What needs to be understood is that sex is not an end in itself. If we just run towards fulfilling our sexual desires, then we remain a slave to the temporary pleasure that it gives.

The fact is that the sexual energy is not only a means of procreation, but it is also a means of achieving greater levels of consciousness and spirituality! All one needs to know is how to channelize it in the proper way.

The sexual act is the natural means towards which our body energy flows and it has been created by nature that way. If we are desirous of achieving higher planes of consciousness, we need to channelize our body energy into higher points of consciousness in our body called the chakras.

There are many ways how this channelizing of our subtle energy can be achieved. Some of the methods are meditation, mantra chanting, tantra, conscious relaxation (yoga nidra) and prayer.

It is really very easy to live blissfully once we learn the right techniques. It might be surprising to you, but the fact is that sex is not the only and the biggest joy; there are deeper planes of bliss and serenity that can be achieved by understanding our mind and unlocking its vast potential.

Vijay Kumar Raisinghani is an avid proponent of the use of easy and simple meditation techniques for a healthier stress-free living. Besides being an Active meditator, his interests include Spirituality, Meditation, Buddhism and Zen.

Beyond 60 – The Best Time to Enjoy Sex!

Most people are brought up with an unhealthy attitude towards sex. The very thought of sex beyond 60 raises eyebrows. Enjoying a healthy sexual relationship beyond the age of 60, takes more than a physical desire. One has to undo all the taboos placed by traditional thinking and realize that sex could be a natural channel for expression.

A Natural Part of Our Lives

Before we get into this topic, we need to pause, get our thoughts aligned and start communicating on the same wavelength.

Since the moment we are born, we have this inborn instinct inside us about sex. This feeling lies deep-rooted inside us, waiting for a proper channel for expression.

In the journey called life, there comes a right time for the proper channels to open up.

Just as every seed needs to be cared for as it experiences the passage of time, this feeling takes time to bloom to a full-fledged state.

The thoughts, feelings and emotions felt and experienced by our mother regarding sex, are subtly relayed to our minds from the very moment of our conception.

Social Barriers

People in the age group of 60 and beyond, have been actually brought up in an orthodox setting. Sex was considered a taboo in their young age. It was never talked about. Now that sex is liberally talked about in this modern age, they are considered to be too old for it. In most parts of the world, sex is connected to marital duties. In some parts of the world sex is limited to procreation. In other parts of the world sex after a particular age, especially when your children grow up, is considered inappropriate.

Your Mind

These so called preset norms may hinder the natural expression of joy that is associated with the sexual experience. When your natural instincts begin to conflict with these social parameters, it results in a low self esteem. Your self esteem has a lot to do with the way you feel about sex after 60. So let’s discuss about self esteem. Your self esteem helps you to be in touch with yourself. Your quest for love helps you to do away with stagnation, and helps you to evolve. So, in order to evolve, you must be in touch with yourself. The problem arises when you live outside-in and not inside-out. This means that the situations on your outside influence your inside. Moreover, traditional teachings have made you think this way. For example: Your father or mother decides whether you are a good child or not. Your teacher’s decide whether you are a good student or not. And that’s perfectly OK! Your parents and teachers are supposed to guide you. But the problem arises when you always seek the approval of others, and that dictates your feelings about yourself. You stay out of the limelight because you have stopped trusting yourself. Your joys depend on what others say about you. You have wrongly trained yourself to think outward-in!You become dependent on outside validation to feel good about yourself. If you don’t seek this validation, there may even be a sense of inadequacy or guilt.

Handling Age

Many people cannot handle growing old. Some may look into the mirror and want to look as good as they did when they were younger. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look younger, and maybe going to the plastic surgeon may also not be a bad idea. The problem arises when you feel all down and get all panicky about something that you should accept with maturity. If you want to be perfect, you may end up feeling guilty, lacking motivation and blaming yourself for everything. There’s no point fretting over something you cannot change. The truth is that you may never look like you looked when you were thirty. Here’s the catch: You can definitely feel the way you felt when you were thirty! On the flip side, many people may use their age as an excuse for their lack of zeal towards the issues of life. A lifetime of worries has worn them out. If you feel that your life is done at 60, it would never motivate you to have the right attitude towards sex. Good sex begins in the mind, so if your self esteem is good and you have the right attitude, the rest will be very easy.

Your Body

Another thing that plays a very important role in enjoying sex at 60 is your physical condition. Although our sexual wires are in place, our bodies seem to slow down. Most women let childbirth affect their sexuality. Moreover the reduction in hormones leads to a lack of sex drive. But let’s not make generalizations. Many women discover their sexuality from 40 years to 60 years of age. They have more time for themselves and are more relaxed to explore their sexuality. Men on the other hand can have great sex drives even at the age of 60. The problem could be a lack of sex drive on the part of their partners. But that is changing. Others suffer from reduced sex drive due to medical conditions. At 60 you obviously are not a beginner. You know what works for you and what doesn’t. Even though you are well aware of which button triggers which response, your mental inhibitions rob you of feeling the physical pleasures. You still remember the days of your youth, and the great sexual tendencies you had at that time. You are the same person and may very well be able to enjoy sex now. Yes, things may be slower but it definitely will be good. Allow yourself to relax mentally and physically. Remember that your nerves are still in place and working. Those nerves can still carry impulses as they explode in your brain. Good sex need not be kinky. But being a little naughty could do you good. It’s just an opportunity to bond with your partner. The juices may not be flowing as they were in your thirties, but sex could be as good as ever. Nowadays many are resorting to medications that can enhance their sex drive. Once you get into the habit of having sex, your body may respond and make you feel younger.

After all, sex was designed to bring the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual abilities to come together in perfect unison, resulting in a kind of satisfaction that has positive effects on both your mind and body. And what could be a better age than 60 to achieve this state.

For more in dept information you can go to Holistic health practitioner

Helena Ederveen is an Associate Member Australasian College Nutritional & Environmental Medicine; Clinical Nutritionist; Certified Master Practitioner NLP & Advanced Practitioner Eriksonian Hypnosis; Counsellor. 25 Years Experience. Are You Serious About Discovering Your Own Individual Blueprint Of Health? Free “Health Blueprint” Assessment.

How to Increase Female Sex Drive

It is completely natural for women to experience low female sex drive,at some point in their lives. This is primarily due to the changes that are taking place in their body in relation to hormones. These can be as a result of childbirth, running the family, conflicts on a personal level, relationship problems stress etc.With the latest strides that have been made in the fields of technology and science, ways of how to improve female sex drive have become common.

Emotional point of view

From an emotional point of view, an improvement in the quality of life, the maintaining of cordial channels of communication with your spouse and the taking care of your emotional needs will go a long way in ensuring that the woman leads a full of high sex libido. Every woman need to take time and learn ways on how to increase female sex drive. Low spirits are also a major cause of low female sex drive.

Most of the ways of how to increase female sex libido target the reduction of stress. This is because when a woman is stress free she will be responsive to sexual advances from the partner or spouse and will be willing to engage in sexual intercourse.

Alcoholism is known to diminish sexual libido to a large extent. It works in such a way that the libido levels are lowered making one become disinterested with sex. The myth that alcohol is a stimulant will remain just that because scientific evidence suggests that alcohol is a depressant.Exercising and working out on a regular basis will greatly improve blood flow, build up the strength in muscles, improve stamina and lead to an increase in female sex drive.

Women are creatures who want to be constantly reassured for their looks, clothes, shoes, cooking and sexuality, so make sure that your woman is complimented on a regular basis. This will ensure that she is constantly hungry not only for your attention, but she has high levels of female sexual libido. You should also take time to get to know your partner well, her likes and dislikes and how she likes her sexual intercourse to play out. If the problems responsible for a low sex drive are deeper, the services of a counselor or sex therapist would be needed. One should not be shy or embarrassed at having to open up your most inner most secrets to your counselor or sex therapist.

Medical opinion

As far as medical opinion is concerned, there are a many ways on how to increase female sex drive. For instance estrogen therapy may be applied and it will lead to the lubrication of the vagina in addition of increasing the sensitivity. Apart from estrogen therapy, testosterone therapy may also be used. It is widely popular but its effects are yet to be conclusively made known. There are however reports that it leads to facial hair growth.Learning the ways of how to increase female sex drive will go a long way in making your relationship more meaningful.

100% Free Adult Amateur Films

The free adult porn market is pretty much thriving these days and more and more sites pop-up in this industry every day. The vids which they host are virtually mind-blowing and folks like them. On every single free porn page can be found a specific number of categories that will help you look for the vids that you like the most.

The grouping that in some way seems to turn me on is the Amateur. Amateur 100% free porn vids are simply astounding – there are no words and phrases in any way to explain a home made video with you and your girl making love in the craziest way possible. I absolutely am into these clips and i confess that I check out them once in a while. From them fresh approaches can be mastered for pleasing your lover better. All of these 20min clips can actually be considered as being educational vids from where you are able to understand how to do it much better, how to protect yourself and what things you mustn’t do during intercourse.

Almost all free porn amateur vids possess a little something exclusive that makes them one of the most wished-for. Looking at how unprofessional folks start kissing, touching, undressing, looking at them how they’re making real love – this stuff can’t be found in not one other free porn category and i also consider that amateur vids are worthy of the 1st place in any cost-free adult porn category countdown.

What I enjoy the most about free porn amateur vids would be the approach they’re done: through the help of a cellphone or a digicam or even using the webcam of the Personal computer or laptop computer. What I enjoy a lot more is the fact that all those people who have sex on the camera post their video on the internet, on specialized free porn webpages which host this kind of clips and can earn some cash from it… very cool! Try out such a vid on your own and hit me up – inform me what you think of it and from a scale from 1 to 10, just how great the amateur category is.

Escalating Porn Addiction and Criminal Thoughts

Pre-Internet, young addicts would steal porn magazines from the top shelves of newsagents. Post-Internet – according to my 2 years of research into porn addiction – this is tame compared to what goes through their heads to do to act out their escalating pornography addictions. Many are becoming deeply scared of their own minds and addictions. One man wrote “I have deep dark desires that I wish to fulfil which are even stronger than my porn addiction.” Another man wrote “I am severely depressed. I am now having horrible thoughts of hurting myself and my girlfriend and doing horrible violent things in general. I am 24.”

Depending upon what they have been exposed to in their journey through the bowels of Internet pornography determines what they soon begin feeling compelled to do next when they have become desensitized with purely legal acting out behaviors. Many addicts at this stage fear their next bender could tip them over the edge into doing illegal things as they begin to find it harder and harder to disassociate from the porn world.

It starts with relatively “mild” fears such as a 19 year old who wrote “I’m frightened I’ll become a pervert when I grow up. I’ve been doing porn since I was 14″ to older addicts writing things such as “I now want to see women urinating on toilets after seeing a lot of urine porn and am scared I will act out by setting up a camera in a women’s toilet”. Another (white) man wrote “It’s gotten to the point where I now fantasise that I am a white woman being raped by multiple black men as well as being one of the rapists too.”

One female porn addict wrote “It’s escalating now to an obsession with putting myself in dangerous situations so I can be raped”. Another addict who had a history of physical and sexual abuse and being degraded as a child had the desire to be “killed at the hands of a lover”.

Another 18 year old man wrote “Only drowning and suffocating porn can satisfy me now. I fear I will become a serial killer and I doubt my morality.” Equally as disturbing were the words of a young student who wrote “I’ve got to the point now where bondage videos are not violent enough to satisfy me. I sit in class and think of strangling the woman in front of me.” This man was understandably banned off the forum he wrote this on but my question is “what happened to him?”… Did he ever act out his thoughts?

Another tormented porn addict wrote “Until I saw bestiality porn, I had never wanted to be sexual with an animal. I loved animals and was brought up with them. Now I am acting out with my own dogs and want to put them up for adoption so I can stop this sexual abuse. I want to be able to view my dogs as pets – nothing more. They deserve so much better than this. I’m at breaking point.”

Other escalating pornography addicts become obsessed with being in risky situations like exposing themselves and/ or masturbating in public places. Some addicts will masturbate in back rows of theatres or picture houses or in their car when they stop at the lights. It gives them the arousal they need to be able to reach a new peak that ordinary virtual porn can no longer give them as well as giving them adrenaline hits their addiction needs. One man was being driven by his addiction to expose himself to 10-15 year olds. He wrote “I already do this with women although I pretend I don’t know they can see me. I cannot believe how damaged I am. It happens a lot when I am under pressure or stressed. If I don’t “do the deed” I get very agitated, angry and frustrated. When I do it I get relief but then shame and anger set in and I just want to lock myself away.”

Another addict wrote “I’m so worried about going to jail over all my sexual urges and ideas of the things I want to do. I’m still in school and sometimes masturbate on the bus when the urge comes on me and I can’t control it. I’m scared it will get me into some kind of legal trouble. I then watch porn all night long.”

Other addicts – after watching incest porn – have tormenting urges around family members. One 29 year old addict wrote after watching “mother and son” porn… “In my dreams now, my mother is breast feeding me. I’ve become fascinated with her breasts and am scared I’m going to act out on it and touch or grab her breasts. I also want to take photos and videos of her breasts.” Another addict wrote “I watch mother and son porn, daughter and father porn and sister and brother porn. I escalated to this and am now having intrusive incestual thoughts about my mother and other family members. I am scared I am going to act out on them. I tell myself this is the last time I am going to watch porn due to where it is taking me but I always fall back into it again – the porn. I am scared. When I was younger I was exposed to porn and re-enacted what I saw with another boy and why I am scared now.”

Another terrified addict wrote “Since being exposed to brother/ sister rape porn I have had thoughts about raping my sister. I am heading down a very dangerous and horrible road. I don’t want to be a rapist or a murderer and I certainly don’t want to do this with my sister. Now I feel incredibly awkward around her and have no emotional attachment to her anymore. I fear in the future though that porn will not be enough for me and I may actually rape someone. I really don’t want to be a monster yet I fear that may happen in the future. I’m now, as a result, having frequent suicidal thoughts.”

More disturbing is when severely escalating addicts begin to find that “adult” porn – however depraved – is no longer a big enough of an arousal to satisfy their addiction’s needs so move closer and closer to illegal pornography. One addict wrote “I constantly feel paranoid as some sites have questionable videos of what look like underage girls”. Another wrote “I take myself to the edge of legal porn and then am enticed to 100% illegal material via links that come without warning. The crossover is done in a second. There is, bottom line, no safe way to look at porn. I have to completely disengage. It’s evil shit and makes me feel suicidal… I am a compromised human who has abandoned morality. We click in our own chains while weighing down our souls by feeding off the poisonous digital imagery of unspeakable misery of the most vulnerable in our world”.

One addict on the edge of legal and illegal porn wrote this “I’m paranoid I’ll open the wrong page and get arrested as I’m paranoid I’m being watched by Big Brother. I’m paranoid I’m turning into a dirty old man. It’s no fun anymore.”

Another wrote “I don’t feel safe with myself anymore.” Their fears are because once the crossover has taken place to child pornography, they feel they have truly become “monsters”. One man wrote “I feel like a monster by who I’ve become. I AM a monster”. Another wrote “This addiction is starting to frighten me more and more. Today I googled “12 to 15 year old lesbians”. I now feel sickened and can’t believe I searched for it. Urges that can put these sorts of fantasies in your brain are pure evil.” Another addict wrote “It’s getting worse. The other night I couldn’t sleep because I downloaded something illegal” whilst another said “I’ve escalated to child porn. If I don’t stop I will end up in suicide. I was abused as a child too… ”

One man wrote “I’m beginning to stare at teenagers. I try my hardest not to but it’s tearing me apart. God spare me from my worst. This disease is the pits.” Another addict wrote “I started using porn when I was 7 or 8 and am now 41 and it is destroying my life. It started off with your every day run of the mill porn but in the last 8-10 years it’s escalated. I find myself drawn more and more to younger girls to the point where I search out illegal child pornography images on the net. I live every day in hell, fear and self loathing. I feel like an out of control monster.”

Another addict wrote “during more difficult times in my life, I need much more hardcore porn to get the same effect and I’m finding more and more that illegal stuff is in my head. My self worth is almost non-existent. I’m 18. I also pull my hair out and ignore hunger. I watch porn daily.”

And then one day, addicts become desensitized to child pornography too and begin fantasizing about acting out with children. One man wrote “I’m beginning to get really strong urges to act out. Unless I get control of it soon I’ll end up in prison.” Another addict wrote “I role play in chat rooms where I talk about hitting young girls while they’re being raped. Every time I finish I’m always ashamed but then I dismiss it because it’s the Internet and there’s much worse stuff out there but I still feel weird. Daily I watch incest porn and violent sex porn like rape. I’m also attracted to 12-13 years olds now too. Not a soul knows about my dark secrets and all my friends think I’m completely normal.”

Professor Gail Dines, Professor of Sociology at Wheelock College in Boston, who has studied both pornography addicts and the pornography industry for decades and is author of the book “Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality”, interviewed a number of men in prison who had committed rape on children and found that all the men were habitual users of child pornography. Dr Dines said in an interview with Julie Bindel of The Guardian (2nd July 2010) “What they said to me was they got bored with “regular” porn and wanted something fresh. They were horrified at the idea of sex with a pre-pubescent child initially but within 6 months they had all raped a child”.